In case you haven’t noticed, New Jersey is the new black.

Although reality TV is suddenly saturated with all things Joisey—Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious, Jersey Couture—Jersey’s climb from red-headed stepchild to golden child has been years in the making. What, you think Snooki started this? No, loves. It wasn’t Snooki. Or The Situation.

Drea de Matteo as Adriana La Cerva. Photo: worldcupblog.org.

It was Carmela. And, more than Carmela, it was the fabulous Adriana La Cerva. Ah, the highlights. The hoops. The boobage. The gum-chewing. Who can blame Chris for loving Adriana? She will always be my Jersey pin-up girl.

You see, Jersey style (and a love of all things Italian-American) infiltrated the collective American subconscious years ago. You can blame it on The Sopranos, which, incidentally, I loved. Ever since Tony made his last walk to the mailbox, we’ve all been jonesin’ for that Jersey grit. For that fantastic fakery that is just so bad, it’s good. Jersey Shore is The Sopranos without the gats, felonies, and Dr. Melfi. It’s all T-and-A, ego maniacal guidos, and fake nails as far as the eye can see. I freakin’ love it. Who needs The Hills when we’ve got Jersey?

My own little homage to Jersey style (and recent exposure to Jerseylicious) got me thinking about the elements of Jersey style that both horrify and fascinate us. Me, I can’t get enough of it. As a Greek-American, I can identify with Italian-Americans—the only difference between us is the tongue of our motherlands. I don’t know if it’s because those Italian-American princesses work the quintessentials of femininity to a spectacular degree, or because they take no prisoners and take no s***.  Either way, this phenomenon deserves a proper dissection, from A to Z, baby. Well, almost.

Elements of the Jersey (life)style:

• Animal prints. Leopard, cheetah, tiger, zebra…all of the above. Animal prints have some kind of magnetic attraction for Jersey girls. Don’t believe me? Just watch an episode of Jerseylicious, where you are likely to spot ALL the girls in a scene in some sort of print.
• Balls. Yes, I wrote that. One of the most important aspects of both male and female Jersey style. Somehow, everyone in Jersey got an extra, heaping helping of hubris, which equates to bigger, brassier balls. Which is always better for boardwalk brawls.
• Cleavage. Woe to the Jersey girl who was born with less than a C-cup. No worries, though. Daddy will buy you a pair like JWoww—anything for his princess. Then wear that new rack like a necklace, honey.
• Dresses. You don’t see guidettes hitting the town in capris and sensible shoes. You want to snag a guido, you wear a dress. A short one. With five-inch heels. Guidettes know better than to think a guido is going to be interested in sweet little kitty. Hence the animal prints. A tiger needs a tigress. Grrrrrr.
• Extensions. Big hair isn’t big enough. It needs to be long and big. And then longer and bigger. And blacker. Or blonder. Jersey girls like extreme beauty.
  

  The guys of Jersey Shore. Photo: Jeff Daly/PictureGroup, MTV.

• F***. As in the F-word. Sorry, but this is a critical piece of the Jersey vernacular and attitude. Can you really see Tony Soprano saying “fudge,” or a guidette lambasting the tart who tried to seduce her guido with anything less?
• Gym. You saw this coming, didn’t you? The first piece of G-T-L, which was made famous by The Situation. This is the one piece of guido brilliance that I also wish extended to some guidettes. Let the record show that the Jersey Shore boys have got this one right.
• Hair. Big hair, specifically. What, you thought teasing died with ’90s minimalism? Wrong. For the true art of the tease, one need only see a guidette freshly coiffed for a night out. We’re talking big hair that is truly gravity-defying. Also see Extensions above.
• Jewelry. Jewelry is to Jerseyites as tofu is to vegans—a key element of life. Hoops that rival Saturn’s rings. Gold and crosses. Pavé. Chains so thick you could tow a car with them. They always put another piece on before leaving the house. Anything and everything but pearls.


Snooki of Jersey Shore. Photo: Emily Shur/MTV.

• Kleinfeld. All guidette bridezillas make the trip to Kleinfeld Bridal in NY for their gowns, because Daddy’s money is never an object. Designer fave? Pnina Tornai. Style? Corset back, lots of cleavage in front.
• Laundry. The last piece of G-T-L. A good one too. I’m sure the bronzer and glitter lotion rub off on everything.
• More is more. This applies to bling, cleavage, hair, muscles, alcohol, drama, what have you.
• Nails. As in acrylic nails. No guidette is complete without acrylics. The thicker the better. And French manicured, of course.
• OTT. Over-the-top. Goes hand-in-hand with more is more. Jerseyites do it bigger, better, louder, and harder. They take OTT to a new level.
• Product. As in hair product. Gel, mousse, spray, all of the above. Big hair takes a lot of product. So what if you’re going to the beach.
• Rock out. The later, the better. Snooki, on the experience in Miami: “Miami definitely has a lot of good clubs, and so does Jersey,” she said. “The only thing that’s good about Miami is they’re open till 6 in the morning. Jersey closes at 2 a.m., so that kind of sucks.” (Source: mtv.com)
• Salons. For hair, nails, tans, whatever. The success of the independently-owned American beauty salon can probably be traced to its Jersey-born clientele. For Jersey girls, especially, a non-negotiable expense.
  

  Tracy and Olivia of Jerseylicious. Photo: Style Network.

• Tantastic. The most important element of G-T-L. Actually, to say a tan is requisite is a bit of an understatement. We’re not talking sun-kissed skin. Jerseyites aren’t happy until they are baked within an inch of their lives. White skin is for Anglos. Not Italians.
• Unapologetic. There was never a more unapologetic bunch. Curiously, under all the fake hair, nails, tans, boobs, etc., are people who seem to be very true to themselves. They don’t care if you think they’re tacky. They don’t care about Ivy League schools and propriety and all that. They are what they are. Like it or not.
• Vanity. It is impossible to imagine a more vain bunch. Guidos and guidettes are nothing if not obsessed with their looks. This is not necessarily a bad thing. We obviously all revel in witnessing Jersey vanity; we must love wondering at the artifice of it, or we’d all be watching Real Housewives of Omaha.
• Wildness. Guidos and guidettes don’t censor themselves, ever. From Jagerbombs, to vajazzling (Google it), to hot tub hookups, theirs is a no-holds-barred existence. And what happens in Vegas—or Jersey—definitely does not stay there.
• X-rated antics. Mmm-hmm. All that G-T-L isn’t for Mass. It’s for the things that happen that necessitate Mass—and a liver cleanse—by Sunday morning.

The newest season of Jersey Shore debuts on MTV (in the U.S.) on July 29, 2010.

I’m seeing a lot of the same images from the fall/winter 2010-2011 haute couture Paris shows floating around on blogs, but no one seems to be very interested in my favorite shots: Dita Von Teese as she appeared in Jean Paul Gaultier’s show.

Dita is my ultimate pin-up girl. I love her. And Dita+Gaultier is brilliance visualized. I love this bondagey corset she stripped down to in the show…probably because I tend to like pushing the envelope, and this appeals to the goth girl in me. I’m totally enthralled by the spine effect down the back.  Plus, what a body. Seriously.

All images by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images Europe.

OK, I don’t care what people say about this outfit, I am craaaaaaaaaazy about it. Crazy, crazy, crazy. It reminds me of Sass & Bide pieces, which are very rocker-inspired.

Now who is going to help me source it? I need those leather flares! The blush sheer tunic! Help!

Photo: Luis Guerra/Ramey. Source: people.com.

Photo: Bauer Griffin. Source: zimbio.com.

And here is the outfit without the jacket, in action:

Y’all know I love guns…especially the Big Gunn, Mr. Tim Gunn!

Style czar Tim Gunn passed through town this weekend and I was lucky enough to attend a fashion show moderated by the man himself. Of course, the highlight of the event was the opportunity to meet Tim Gunn in person!

He is genuine, funny, and extremely elegant in person. It’s no surprise that he’s had such success—his approach to real-world fashion and style is practical and non-exclusive. 

So one more thing…I’m going to circle back to What I Wore to Meet Tim Gunn later in the week. Be sure to check back to find out what he thought!

Wowza, Halle is HOT in Gucci Fall 2010—the brilliant sequel to Spring 2010—and in sum, the best year of Gucci pret-a-porter  since my love Tom Ford exited. Fall 2010, people, in Spring 2010. It pays to be a celebrity, doesn’t it?

Anyway, it simply does not get better than this. Dang.

Photo: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

This headline recently caught my eye: Jennifer Love Hewitt: I’ve Been Cheated on ‘a Lot’. From the article:

Asked by Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday if she’s ever been cheated on, Hewitt replied, “Yes. A lot.” Without identifying the guilty parties, the Ghost Whisperer actress proceeded to count the ways in which she has found out about boyfriends’ extracurricular activities.

Cheated on a lot? A lot? Hmmm.

This, along with the last year of cheater headlines got me thinking. There are the political cheaters: dumb Gavin Newsom, dumber Mark Sanford, and dumbest John Edwards—and the most incorrigible politico cheater of modern times, Mr. I-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-woman Bill Clinton. There are the egomaniac cheaters like Tiger Woods and Jesse James, who stupidly think they can be famous and serial cheaters and not get caught. And of course, thousands of others who cheat for various reasons. We all know someone who has been a cheater or been cheated on.

The thing about infidelity is that there isn’t a formula for the prevention or prediction of it. You can be gorgeous and perfect and still get cheated on (Halle Berry). You can be strong, wealthy, decisive, generous, and kind—and the girl next door—and still be lied to and cheated on (Sandra Bullock). But it’s Jennifer Love Hewitt’s admission that she has been betrayed repeatedly that makes me wonder:

Why do some women get cheated on all the time, and some don’t? Is there something in a woman’s personality—a weakness, a forgiveness—that men can sniff out?

Did Tiger know deep down that Elin was a pushover and he could get away with it? Did Mark Sanford and John Edwards secretly want out of their marriages? There are always two sides to every story. I’m sure that most cheaters do it because their relationships are lacking something. That said, I know there are also the sex/power/ego addict cheaters who have nothing wrong at home, but something wrong on the inside. No matter the reason, the damage is just as profound emotionally.

Did the women in those relationships ever lay down the law and tell their husbands straight-out what would happen if they cheated? I wonder. In my lifetime, I’ve known a few couples who struggled with infidelity. And women who pick a cheater every single time. Some couples divorced, some didn’t. Some wives were meek, others mighty. But I find the dialogue that happens prior to infidelity an interesting contemplation.

One couple I knew would repeatedly “joke” about whom they’d cheat with if they could. I found that incredibly foreboding and unhealthy. Why would you even talk about cheating, wanting to cheat at all? They ended up speaking it into existence—it’s like they expected it to happen instead of not. In another situation, the wife had no discernible mind of her own. She’s still with her cheater, but she evened the score by cheating on him. I say a leopard can’t change its spots. Once you’ve done it and gotten away with it, what’s to stop you from doing it again, when there have been no real repercussions?

Obviously we all hope that we are never betrayed by the one we love. But as women, we need to know that there is a certain game that has to be played, like it or not. You can’t guarantee fidelity, but there are ways to minimize the potential to stray. In his book “The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It,” marriage counselor and best-selling author Gary Neuman takes a revealing look inside the mind of a cheater and explains what women can do to “affair-proof” their relationships.

Following are excerpts of an interview with NEWSWEEK’S Jessica Ramirez and Neuman:

What did you find was the No. 1 reason men cheat?
…the majority—48 percent—[of men] said that the cheating was about an emotional disconnection.

What was causing this emotional disconnection?
The No. 1reason was feeling underappreciated. It was a lack of thoughtful and kind gestures. What I found is that men are far more insecure than they let on, and they do want to please their wives and feel valued. They like to win and as long as they are winning with their wife then they stay in the game. It is feeling underappreciated and like they can’t win—and maybe they do things that make it hard for her to appreciate him—that usually leads them into dangerous waters. Appreciation is what they first and foremost get from the mistress.

…This relationship between “appreciation” and a man’s need to “win”—how does that play out in the home?
Just watch your husband view a ballgame. You would imagine from the way he’s yelling that he has part ownership in the team he’s cheering for. That’s because men have been trained since they were little that winning and accomplishing is much of their definition. So they will watch a game to the bitter end if they [or their team] can stay in it. [In the home,] for example, if the husband makes breakfast and burns it, he still feels like he made a gesture. But if those sorts of gestures are met with what he did wrong instead of what he tried to do right, then that becomes, “I can’t win.”

…What sort of behavior will a man exhibit if this leads him to start thinking of cheating?
The No. 1 sign is more time being spent away from home. The No. 2 sign was less sex, and the No. 3 sign was avoidance of your contact, like cell-phone calls. What these things are saying is that a man is emotionally and sexually moving away from a spouse.

…There are also men—12 percent of those you surveyed—who will cheat no matter what. How can a wife tell if he’s worth trusting again?
If you have a husband who does not show remorse, is not willing to be completely transparent moving forward and is not truly apologetic for what he has already done, then I don’t see how a woman could entrust her vulnerability to that man again.

Source: http://www.newsweek.com/id/160910

I swear, I think for the majority of relationships, what scores the man keeps him. That’s why I think to Gary Neuman’s advice you should add these pearls of wisdom gleaned from Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger’s tweet stream:

CHASE SPACE. Let the man pursue you. Let him call you.  He NEEDS to be the hunter & enjoys it. Don’t take that joy away from him. 12:06 PM Apr 7th

LEAVE SOMETHING BEHIND. Little perfume on pillow, casserole in oven, tidy home, a note. A nice reminder makes him think about you all day. 12:44 PM Apr 5th

Quickest way to feel good? Exercise! Cheaper than Prozac + you’ll be in shape. Zelwegger didn’t catch Cooper while playing Bridget Jones. 2:55 PM Apr 3rd

PASSION COMES FROM FASHION: a stylish girl always dresses occasion appropriate which signals the eye of a quality millionaire. Red = romance 12:10 PM Apr 1st

Wow! J. Hud is looking divine these days. That new Weight Watchers gig—and the bangs—suit.

Photot by Bill Davila/Startraks. From people.com.

This is an obscene amount of hotness from two young’uns. Wow. Miley looks supreme and her Aussie bloke? Well, you know I loooove me some Aussies.

Photo: Karl Rover/Startraks

Y’all know I just love Victoria. Here she is looking sensational—and proving that you can wear four colors at the same time and not look mismatched.

What’s Victoria’s secret? Three of the four colors she’s wearing are neutrals. And you can steal this look…I’ve made it easy for you.

Mixing Neutrals by gritandglamour

Items in this set:
RELAXED TANK WITH BUTTONHOLE POCKET, $70
Diane von furstenberg jackets, 320 GBP
Santa Cruz Chino in Army, $220
MOOS, $75
MICHAEL Michael Kors Gold Oversized Runway Watch, $250