OOrdinary after extraordinary.
There is something pretty awesome, at least to me, about wowing people in a way that leaves them speechless.
I recall running into someone who CLEARLY was anti-fat that I used to work with. He had gotten tubby, I was at my slimmest, and he did not recognize me at all as I addressed him by name, referenced our past work history and commented on my having seen a few people that were common to each of us recently. I reached out my hand with my name…and let’s face it, I have a fairly unique and typically memorable name.
It was such a shock to see me as I now am, that he was completely baffled by the entire encounter and DAYS—not minutes, not hours—nearly a week later, finally must have had an AH HA and contacted me through LinkedIn to tell me he was ‘distracted’ when we met the prior week, and sorry if he did not seem engaged in the conversation.
Having run into colleagues, former neighbors, doctors—you name it—who went from seeing me at my heaviest to at or near my current weight, and having them be palpably shocked was a little goosing to my ego. I cannot deny it. Would not want to deny it.
However for the most part, that has evaporated. I have transitioned into ordinary mode and don’t get many of the extraordinary WOWZA moments any longer.
And I think that sometimes when you want to ingest something; feasting on some ego can be quite satisfying.
And when that cupboard is bare, there is little else to satisfy that particular craving. So while yes, I did this for me and not for others…there was undeniably a phenomenally delicious and calorie-free result of having others say WOW for the first time. And naturally there comes a time when those first times are over and realizing you’ll never have a particular first again…it’s sobering.
Much like with my marriage and my children, I decided that I was going to have to create new firsts to look forward to and ways to have YAY moments along the way.
The first anniversary of achieving my goal weight. The annual half marathon that was my first of many and I hope to repeat as long as I have breath in my body. The knowledge that I have more wedding anniversaries in store than I ever anticipated by having more years left to live (presumably) by improved health. The first time I didn’t have someone shudder to see me sit next to them on a plane. Or the first time I could walk into a clothing store and know anything in there would fit. The first time a doctor looked me in the eye and provided me the level of care I’d so long sought but not received when they could not see past the fat to diagnose other issues that had long needed care.
There are extraordinary moments that abound, I simply had to open my eyes and see them. And I found the ordinary was pretty extraordinary, indeed!
See all posts in A Journey of Weight Found and Lost →