Here are just a few reasons to love Patricia, the Queen of Southern Charm…
1. She’s impeccable.
From her home, to her clothes, to her perfectly manicured fingernails and gardens, Patricia is on top of every detail, and she is very, very good at details. If you don’t believe me, check out this spread of her breathtaking antebellum home in Architectural Digest. Every aspect of her life is carefully considered and curated, from her Birkins to her bone china. I love that. You get one life to live. Use the good china!
2. She knows the power of a good martini.
Patricia is passionate about one my favorites: the gin martini. She calls it her “medicine,” I call it my future plan. Can I get an amen?
“Now every day at five o’clock, I require a perfect martini.” — Patricia Altschul
And you can’t fully see it in this clip, but if you watch the full episode, you will see Patricia’s butler pop her gin bottle in a red Louboutin shoe bag to take her martini-making ingredients with them on the road. Of course.
3. She’s got swanning around in a caftan down to an art form.
I am a huge fan of caftans—for me, the caftan is synonymous with refined leisure and luxury. And Patricia is synonymous with leisure and luxury, so it’s a no-brainer that this is a match made in heaven. Behold…
4. She has a glorious brain. And a killer sense of humor.
Patricia is one elegant dame, but that is just one facet of her magnetic presence. It’s how the wheels turn in that pretty head of hers that keeps us coming back for more. Her vocabulary is delicious, she’s whip-smart, and nobody delivers tweet-perfect, acerbic, dead-pan, one-liners like Patricia.
“I don’t care if he’s a serial killer, as long as he can make a good martini.” — Patricia Altschul
5. She does whatever she wants, unapologetically.
Like throwing a dinner party and inviting only men, according to her, to avoid the “unnecessary drama” women often bring with them. Seriously, why have I never thought of this?
And doing what you want unapologetically means pushing the envelope unapologeticaly. Just before said males-only, “gators” dinner party, Patricia’s son Whitney notices the placement of his mother’s alligator decor and says, “Alligators copulating on the dinner table. That’s a nice touch.” (Season 2, Episode 7, 14:08) Patricia responds very matter-of-fact, “I thought so. I put it in front of Shep.” Naturally.
Only Patricia can insist on propriety and get away with something as bawdy and cheeky as that. Love it. Love her.
6. I mean, her bathroom.
If that’s not a bathroom fit for a queen, I don’t know what is.
There’s no better a place to have your “dressing drink,” right? That’s another great Patricia-ism. If only I had a butler to ring when I’m ready for my dressing drink. Sigh.
7. She’s got horns.
You’re not Southern unless you have a deer head in your living room.
That’s the caption provided by Bravo with this photo of Patricia’s home. I say yes, yes indeed. Patricia’s home reflects the dichotomy that is the Southern woman—femininity and flowers, chutzpah and horns. Some people say don’t mess with Texas; I say don’t mess with a Southern woman.
8. She’s an animal lover and rescuer.
Not only does she take in multiple rescues at a time, she believes in honoring them even after they’ve passed on. She’s given a home to so many animals over the years that she has plans to create a cemetery for her former pets on her grounds.
Show Patricia some love @Pataltschul!
You can watch Southern Charm on Bravo on Mondays at 10pm/9pm central. If you’re a Southern Charm neophyte, pour yourself a martini (or three) and binge-watch Patricia in all her glory: watch Southern Charm online on bravotv.com.