I’m a wife. I’m a wife to a wonderful man that I just adore.
I try to be a good wife, because he is a good husband to me and a superb partner in every sense of the word. But I will admit that in my role as wifey, sometimes I do more than I have to. I was raised by a Greek mother, so as modern as I am, there’s still a whole lot of traditional in me. Like make-your-man-a-sandwich-bring-him-a-beer kind of traditional. Even if I’ve worked all day.
Before all you feminists go into a tizzy, let me say this: the man reciprocates in kind. He takes care of me. He will do the dishes. Vacuum. Dust. All of it. But I still like to make things easy and comfortable for him, because that’s how I was raised.
That said, sometimes I fantasize about having my own wife. Not a lover-wife, but a keep-your-life-organized wife. I’d like to have a wife just like me, really, because if I did…
1. Toiletries like deodorant and toothpaste would magically appear in my bathroom. They’d just show up before the last bit has been used up, and then I’d never have to worry about running out.
2. My pantry would be perfectly arranged, labels upright and facing out. Like things with like things.
3. My dishwasher would be loaded for max speed in unloading. Dinner plates all in a row. Teaspoons in the cubicle with teaspoons and not tablespoons. Like things with like things—order for maximum efficiency.
4. I’d never have to buy a gift for that wedding, birthday, or baptism to which we’ve been invited. She’d have them purchased, wrapped, and ready to go—all I’d have to do is get myself ready.
5. My clothes would be beautifully folded, fresh from the dryer, to minimize wrinkling.
6. I’d never have to go to the grocery store for anything more than the occasional bottle of wine or a six-pack, because she contemplates and procures snacks, meals, and, well, everything.
7. If I didn’t feel like carrying anything, I could just hand my items to her to carry in her handbag.
8. My shower and toilet would be self-cleaning. Well, I mean, not really. But wifey would always keep them clean so I don’t have to worry about scrubbing soap scum or any other distasteful stuff.
9. My clothes would go out to the dry cleaner and appear back in my closet, ready for the next event, with no effort required on my part.
10. I’d have snacks, lunch, and dinner made for me. I’d only ever have to actually attempt food prep at home if she happens to be out of town. It’s like having a personal chef!
11. The sheets would never ride up on my bed, because she fold and tucks them just so.
12. I’d never have to worry about preparing to entertain guests, since she has all the necessities covered: china, barware, tablecloths, libations, the menu, etc.
13. She’d take care of me when I’m sick, make homemade chicken soup, and ensure that I don’t have to get out of bed to eat or go buy my own medicine or cough drops.
14. I could just sit on the sofa and snacks or meals would be brought to me, or I could sit at the table and dinner would be served. It’s kind of nice.
15. I’d always have a personal cheerleader who tells me it’s going to be OK when I doubt myself, because she believes in me.