15 Reasons Why I Wish I Had a Wife

I’m a wife. I’m a wife to a wonderful man that I just adore.

I try to be a good wife, because he is a good husband to me and a superb partner in every sense of the word. But I will admit that in my role as wifey, sometimes I do more than I have to. I was raised by a Greek mother, so as modern as I am, there’s still a whole lot of traditional in me. Like make-your-man-a-sandwich-bring-him-a-beer kind of traditional. Even if I’ve worked all day.

Before all you feminists go into a tizzy, let me say this: the man reciprocates in kind. He takes care of me. He will do the dishes. Vacuum. Dust. All of it. But I still like to make things easy and comfortable for him, because that’s how I was raised.

That said, sometimes I fantasize about having my own wife. Not a lover-wife, but a keep-your-life-organized wife. I’d like to have a wife just like me, really, because if I did…

wifey-tee
Wifey tee by ILY COUTURE

1. Toiletries like deodorant and toothpaste would magically appear in my bathroom. They’d just show up before the last bit has been used up, and then I’d never have to worry about running out.

2. My pantry would be perfectly arranged, labels upright and facing out. Like things with like things.

3. My dishwasher would be loaded for max speed in unloading. Dinner plates all in a row. Teaspoons in the cubicle with teaspoons and not tablespoons. Like things with like things—order for maximum efficiency.

4. I’d never have to buy a gift for that wedding, birthday, or baptism to which we’ve been invited. She’d have them purchased, wrapped, and ready to go—all I’d have to do is get myself ready.

5. My clothes would be beautifully folded, fresh from the dryer, to minimize wrinkling.

6. I’d never have to go to the grocery store for anything more than the occasional bottle of wine or a six-pack, because she contemplates and procures snacks, meals, and, well, everything.

7. If I didn’t feel like carrying anything, I could just hand my items to her to carry in her handbag.

8. My shower and toilet would be self-cleaning. Well, I mean, not really. But wifey would always keep them clean so I don’t have to worry about scrubbing soap scum or any other distasteful stuff.

9. My clothes would go out to the dry cleaner and appear back in my closet, ready for the next event, with no effort required on my part.

10. I’d have snacks, lunch, and dinner made for me. I’d only ever have to actually attempt food prep at home if she happens to be out of town. It’s like having a personal chef!

11. The sheets would never ride up on my bed, because she fold and tucks them just so.

12. I’d never have to worry about preparing to entertain guests, since she has all the necessities covered: china, barware, tablecloths, libations, the menu, etc.

13. She’d take care of me when I’m sick, make homemade chicken soup, and ensure that I don’t have to get out of bed to eat or go buy my own medicine or cough drops.

14. I could just sit on the sofa and snacks or meals would be brought to me, or I could sit at the table and dinner would be served. It’s kind of nice.

15. I’d always have a personal cheerleader who tells me it’s going to be OK when I doubt myself, because she believes in me.

19 comments

  1. Ha ha, you made some good points that struck close to home with me. Particularly the bit about gifts and cards for occasions that you end up going to miraculously appearing without having to worry about them. The being looked after bit is another good one too. My girlfriend always looks after me when I’m ill but always admits I’m pretty rubbish when it’s the other way round.

  2. Ha ha! I absolutely felt this was when I was married the first time! Now, my sweet husband is as traditional as I am. He makes sure my are always has gas. Cleans my car. And before I drive out of town, he makes sure everything is running properly and my car has been serviced. And all my technology? He keeps it all synced and updated! He says he’s spoiled as well! I cook all his meals, prepare him a massive lunch box full every day, all grocery shopping, and ironing. Feminism be damned!! I’m taking care of my man!! :).

    1. “Feminism be damned!! I’m taking care of my man!!”

      YES! And isn’t nice to have men that take care of us? Mine always pumps gas, does the heavy lifting, kills the bugs, fixes the broken stuff, and more. We don’t do 50-50. We support each other in a complementary way, each using their strengths to lift up the other’s weaknesses. Isn’t that what love is?!

      1. I think the equitable trade offs are what feminism is all about! Recognizing that you have strengths as well as weaknesses. For example, I don’t like to shovel. I hate taking out the trash. I can’t reach tall things. Enter: husband.

  3. Brandon and I are actually both pretty messy. Haha! So, the dishes and pantry in order… that usually doesn’t happen. As far as cooking goes, we take turns. It’s basically, whoever is less lazy that day. The funny thing about food though is that he’s a total carnivore and I’m pescetarian, so half the time we eat different stuff anyway. Kinda fun, because when we eat out I pick off the meat and give it to him, and he pushes the veggies onto my plate!

    As for the bathroom… yes, definitely. I re-stock everything. I also do his laundry, because it’s just easier to do it all at once! And when we go to parties, I always have the gifts ready. He forgets we have plans half the time — I’m better at keeping schedule. Ha! He calls me The Queen, and I lead the way; whereas he is my knight in shining armor, who protects and takes care of me. I love that! And all the technology and car stuff… that’s all him! You know how I am with technology!!

    1. I think in general, women excel at details, so I’m not surprised that most of us are handling the social engagements!

      Ultimately, it’s all about what works for you as a couple. Seems like you two are perfect together.:)

  4. HAHAHAH This is perfect!

    If I had a wife, I wouldn’t be expected to remember everyone’s birthday.

    I’m terrible at birthdays. I know basically my oldest friends and my family’s birthdays. Everyone else…who knows! Yet because I’m the woman, I’m expected to send out cards and texts. SMH…I keep telling my husband that he has to be the one to remember his family’s birthdays but it hasn’t sunk in yet.

    1. Yeah, funny that. Sometimes it is the wife that needs to remember HIS family’s birthdays. But I chalk that up to us being details, them being big-picture.

      I’ve always kept birthdays in my Filofax, but these days with our smartphones, you can enter them once and get automatic reminders every year. Problem solved!

  5. Haha!! I love this!! I wish toiletries (and for me, baby supplies) would magically reappear!

    One thing I will give my husband is he does all the cooking and serves me food too so I’m always super grateful for that!

  6. I wish I had a wife too. I do all the cooking and dinner planning. He cleans. I do all the fixing, home improvement and gardening. I also do the tech stuff as I’m the IT Pro. He is very neat, does his own laundry and helps with general housekeeping. He also juggles the finances. That alone makes everything worth it but I get to do the taxes. Overall it works but I still want a wife of my own! Especially to take care of me when sick!

  7. Love this! You know what I do for my husband in the winter? I take his undershirt out of the drawer and put it in front of the vent, so that it wouldn’t be cold! I was raised in Russia, so I know what you mean by “traditional”
    Zhenya

  8. love this – it’s so true, v! they are very lucky to have their life organized for them, aren’t they? that being said… if i was given the chance, not sure i would trust anyone to do it but me. egocentric or commonsensical? not sure… 😉 xo (and #15 is everything!)

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