Seven Deadly Sins Series: LUST

Lately, when you open fashion magazines, you don’t just see celebrities, models, and fashion industry stars—you also see a handful of fashion bloggers, immortalized in their streetstyle perfection. They are so famous now.

Why can’t you be?

lust
Lusting power, fame, and money is centuries-old, though lust seems to have afflicted men more than women until recent times. But the Internet changed all that. Now we have real-time virtual voyeurism, unprecedented access to the lives of the rich and famous. Being bombarded by imagery of fame and excess everywhere—online, on TV, on our phones, in the grocery store checkout line—ain’t doin’ a thang to temper our lust. As I wrote in my post on greed, we always. Want. More.

And when you see that everyday-girl-who-is-now-a-famous-blogger? If she can do it, why can’t you?

So you start checking your numbers obsessively. How many visits did you have yesterday? You need new followers! And Facebook likes…maybe you should purchase an ad. Why aren’t my numbers getting bigger?, you think. You start adding a million hashtags to every Instagram photo thinking they’ll catch an eye, and some followers, too. You tweet the “big” bloggers, hoping for some attention that might propel you to the upper blogosphere. Everything you do is all about the blog, to the exclusion of your job, relationships, and well-being.

Absolution: JUST BE HAPPY

So how do you curb that lust for blog fame? Be happy with where you are, at this moment. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. Since that’s easier said than done, here are a few tips…

How to be happy, NOW:

  • Come to terms with the fact that most of us are NOT famous bloggers!
    And most of us will never be! So you are not alone. Most of us are not jet-setting, shooting spots for morning TV shows, or sitting front row at fashion shows. We’re working, taking care of our families, and rationing (or rationalizing) our funds for seasonal clothing/accessory purchases.
  • Stop looking at your numbers, right this minute.
    What’s the point of looking at them if they make you feel bad? And honestly, if you gained 300, 500, 1,000 followers overnight, how is it really going to change your life? I can promise you one thing: when you reach your golden years, you won’t be wishing you had had more followers. You will wish you had done more, loved more, experienced more while you were vibrant, young, and able.
  • Focus on what you have achieved.
    If you have even one reader, that’s one more than when you started. If you have one follower, that’s one more than when you started. If you have mastered the tech aspects of blogging, and learned the finer points of social media, you have grown. That is an achievement.
  • Consider your blog a community, not a conduit to fame.
    All those people showering you with nice comments and likes? They’re your virtual friends, people you may never have met without your blog. They want to interact with you, because they like you, they really, really like you! So stop trying to claw your way to the top and just start connecting. I’ve made some incredible friends through blogging, and they mean more to me than money or freebies ever could. When you need support, they will lift you up. I promise.
  • Do only what makes you happy. 
    I am not a DIYer, a baker, a photographer, a decorator, or a graphic artist. I am a writer. That’s my gift. That’s my love. So instead of beating myself up because my photos suck or because I can’t make beautiful cooking videos, I focus on honing what I know I can do: write. And that’s what you should do: whatever it is that makes you happy. And stop forcing yourself to do anything that doesn’t!
  • Stop blogging.
    I’m serious. If you’re so concerned with followers, revenue, and growth, and you feel worse since you started blogging, then maybe you should just stop. Quit. Shutter the blog. You can still interact with your blog friends even if you don’t have a blog of your own. You can still be inspired and pin things and play on Instagram and be part of a virtual community without the pressure (or expense) of a full-blown blog. Sounds kind of good, doesn’t it? The point is to enjoy blogging. If it’s making you sick or destroying your relationships, it might be time to kiss it goodbye.

NEXT: Seven Deadly Sins Series: ENVY

18 comments

  1. Vahni,

    Your gift is writing, great post. I was thinking about this myself. My relationship with God and Family and friends are most important to me. Numbers are only numbers. I just want to have fun and enjoy my blog. We are the stars of our own blogs.

  2. This is SO true, V. I have to admit, I did long for that attention and lust for the big blogger status, but after my first year blog anniversary a couple of years ago, I realized that I just have to blog what I love and enjoy sharing who I am. It’s just too taxing to worry about all the other stuff so much!

    xoxo
    Cyrillynn

    1. Exactly! But then again, I know you’re a lady with a good head on your shoulders, and I think it helps not to be in our very impressionable 20s, right?

  3. Awesome post V. This spirals well after my frustration post on blogging. Not that I’m frustrated about fame or numbers or anything of that, but you tapped on something that I find relevant and that’s just being happy. I just want to create and create and create but if it means that my body feels like death and my real life is hanging on by a thread, then I guess it’s worth the creation. Or is it? I don’t know. But thanks for this. xx

    1. Hey sweets, thanks for popping over! I know we’re on the same page with all this stuff. Especially the happiness…so I’m glad you’re headed back to CA, which I truly think is a much better fit for you and your lifestyle. Hell, I’d go if there weren’t so many natural disasters!

  4. And that’s what I’ve done…..quit blogging. It’s just not fun any more and hasn’t been for a while. You nailed most f the reasons right here. Good job! Serene

    1. And I don’t blame you for quitting, Serene! You’re a perfect example of what I wrote about. You are engaged, have your online friends and interactions, without the stress of a blog. That is super tempting, I tell you! As always, thanks for your support!

  5. This is a problem outside of just fashion blogs too. Its so hard to read any blog, whether lifestyle, travel, fashion, or heck personal finance, and think ‘why isn’t that me?’ I started blogging because I admired a lot of bloggers and thought ‘oh I have things to say and contribute!’ I still find myself having those moments though where its hard to be happy where I am. Thank you for the reminder. And yes you are are correct, you are a very gifted writer. 🙂

  6. great advice. I think we’ve all encountered bloggers who have this issue and its not fun when they try to spam your blog with all their links.

    1. True. I think it’s the newbies that do that. We all did it at some point, to a degree. Then some of us learn that it’s not the way to go!

  7. Amen! I belong to a number of blogger groups and I always get frustrated with the people who are so focused on the numbers and the Google Page rank, etc… Sometimes I feel like I’m the lonewolf who keeps reminding them to not obsess over the numbers but to blog about what they love and let the rest just fall into place. – Katy

    1. Hello Katy! Keep preachin’ lady! We need to let new bloggers know that focusing on numbers only will drive you crazy. Thanks for stopping by.

  8. The moment I stopped focusing on the numbers (that is when I finally -two years in- figured out how to read my numbers) and just put out great fashion tips and content is when my numbers almost doubled. I can’t imagine blogging fame is all its cracked up to be…I am happy with my little space on the blogosphere and just aim to make it the best it can be-
    As always you have great advice here….and you are a wonderful writer!!!! I always enjoy your thought provoking posts!

    C

    1. Carly, you have proven what many tend not to believe: great content and personality is what makes people come back to your blog, not posting every day. If you’re posting about B.S. just to get a hit, you and I both know people will not come back.

      I’m glad to see your success. You’re a class act, thoughtful, adorable, and you deserve it!

  9. I want to be famous. I think we all want to be famous to an extent deep down.

    I have only a few followers on my blog even though I’ve been blogging for years. I have more on Facebook, am slowly gaining new ones on Tumblr, have triple digits on Twitter, even though I only tweet blog posts. I’m also doing okay on Instagram and Pinterest as they are also both slowly growing.

    Of course I’d love more on my blog. I’d love to know people like what I write about and want to comment on it, for me, it’s a matter of getting known.

    Clearly my blog is not one that people find interesting and that’s hard to take. I’m not obsessive about it and am trying to constantly come up with posts to attract attention, however I’ve noticed over the last couple of years that people are leaving their blogs and just using FB, where I comment more and so do others. I have also found that those who I have followed have either given up their blogs or moved to WordPress or Tumblr, which is why I have my blog posts directed through to Tumblr, and have just had my Blogger blog transferred to WordPress two months ago.

    I don’t believe I lust other bloggers and their attention, I lust attention itself, mainly because I don’t get any in my real life. I’m single, no kids, 39 and caring for my mother 24/7 which takes up the time the internet does not, and that means I have no life and go nowhere.

    So yes, I lust attention and I lust the following other bloggers have. I want to belong to a community online because I do not in real life, which is another reason why I may never have a popular blog like others because I don’t go anywhere and don’t have the physical, outgoing life they have to blog about.

    Am I feeling sorry for myself? Sure sometimes I do and when I see that a photo I put up on Instagram gets likes and my photos I pin to Pinterest are repinned or liked I feel good. I don’t know whether I will have to work that supposed special “10,000 hours” at this job as many believe you need to before striking it rich and famous but I will certainly continue working hard to get further than I am now.

    1. JD, I can completely understand your situation. And I truly appreciate your honesty.

      You wrote: “I want to belong to a community online because I do not in real life, which is another reason why I may never have a popular blog like others because I don’t go anywhere and don’t have the physical, outgoing life they have to blog about.”

      I don’t agree with this. You may not have that “outgoing life” but you have a perspective as a caregiver that you can write about, that other people will understand. I think that if you write from your perspective of real like, even with humor, you will engage your readers.

      May I suggest a couple things? I find Twitter to be a really great, real-time tool for engaging and developing community. I would use it for conversations, as well as notifying followers about new posts. Also, the Monday night #blogtrends chats are phenomenal for learning more about blogging, connecting with others, and finding new followers. There’s a link on my right rail. You should definitely try to join as often as possible if you aren’t already.

      Thanks for all the great comments!

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