Seven Deadly Sins Series: WRATH

Haters. We’ve all got ’em.

And when they set their sights and words on you, it’s no picnic. They make you feel hurt and angry, and so full of rage it’s almost impossible to hold your tongue.

WRATH

But hold you must. DO NOT make the mistake of shooting a nastygram back in a hater’s direction in the comments on your blog, or on Twitter—or anywhere, for that matter. Trust me, the kind of person who spews hate in comments is usually a few cards short of a full deck.

Reasonable, sane people don’t spend their time antagonizing others, in real life or online. Trying to reason with a hater is generally futile, and any exchange with them usually does not end well. On top of that, going head-to-head with someone in the public domain where others can read the exchange can make you look bad, even if you are the victim.

Absolution: JUST DELETE IT

There is a difference between an insult and constructive criticism, and your gut will let you know the difference, immediately. If a comment is not constructive, simply delete it.

Sure, deleting doesn’t give you the same satisfaction as responding with a smart little quip, but it does make that commenter’s efforts complete waste of time. Mean comments are intended to push your buttons, so sparring with a hater just lets them know that they got to you—don’t give them the satisfaction. Instead of wasting your precious time on people who don’t deserve it, spend it interacting with commenters and followers who support you.

Other ways to deal with hater-induced wrath:

  • Block their IP address.
    If you’re self-hosted, your cPanel will probably have an “IP Deny” button, or something of that ilk. The comment function on most blog platforms a captures the IP address of all those who comment on your blog. Most people use a static vs. a dynamic IP address, so if you block it, they get a message that they can no longer access your site from that computer/IP address.
  • Set filters to recognize a hater’s IP/email address, and send it directly to the rubbish bin.
    Setting a filter means those ugly words bypass your eyes altogether—you don’t have to do a thing to delete or remove them going forward.  If you’re getting ugly emails, you can set a filter based on their email address. To filter comments on your blog, you can go to discussion or comment settings to set a filter based on their name, IP address, or email address.
  • Block or report users who are nasty.
    If you’re getting nastygrams on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, just block ’em, baby! It’s like a digital eraser; I highly encourage it. Just erase that troll right out of your virtual life! Extremely effective.

Remember: Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take the high road. Let them fester in your resounding silence. Spend your energy on being positive instead of negative.

NEXT: Seven Deadly Sins Series: SLOTH

12 comments

  1. Oh so true! I’ve been mostly spared the nasty comments and have only found myself mentioned on Troll Central aka GOMI once. It IS hard to take the high road, but very important. Thank you for the reminder, and the great suggestions on how to erase the haters from your online life.

    1. I always think, Heather, that if someone has nothing better to do than talk crap about me or intentionally malign me, there is clearly something…or many things…missing in their life. It stings (and GOMI is just disgusting), but ultimately, it’s a compliment when people have nothing better to do than make YOU their focus.

      Let the haters hate. Our consciences are clear, right? It’s all about intention.

      1. I’ve only had it happen once myself, and at first I was upset and taken aback. It took me a while to realize what you’re saying.

        But you know what gives me satisfaction now? Those kinds of sites are still driving traffic to my site! Plus if the site is high profile enough, that probably means a link coming from it is an SEO boost as well. Silver linings …

  2. I think I’m just oblivious. The one time I was mentioned on GOMI I didn’t realize it or know until several days later. The funniest part was the same person talking about me there had tweeted me telling me how brave and great I was for another post I’d written. Ok…..
    Is so easy to be a hater online. Sitting in front of a screen makes people so much braver than IRL. Good for you for always taking the high road. Even in the situations you’ve chosen to address you have always been the epitome of a classy lady. I admire that so much.

    1. Hey, Whitney, I think I know the person you are talking about…and I blocked her using all the methods above after that incident. Who needs jerks like that?!

      Yeah, it’s funny how brave some people are behind-the-screen. They would never say half those things IRL, if they had to say them face-to-face.

      And thanks for the compliment. Believe me, it has been hard to bite my tongue about some stuff, but I knew if I engaged, it would be really nasty. So the high road it is! I’ve had to practice silence a lot in my personal life the last two years, so I’m kind of used to it now. Plus, silence always makes them wonder…did she see my comment/email? Is she mad or just didn’t get it? Where do I stand?

      HA…once someone crosses that line with me, they will never, ever know, and never get back into my life. And oddly, they always come back and try to.

      xo

  3. Brilliant darling!

    I read something in the Atlantic or Slate, a few months back that nowadays English and Journalism majors can’t even envision starting a piece of work without all the dissection, snark and vitriol as well, in response. Really? Is that the world we have come to?

    I’ve always wondered if you ever had to, or how you dealt with such things. I have long applauded your forthright opinions and bold writing. I’ve often thought that (writing) so openly and seeing you do that indirectly helps give others the “permission” if you will, and support to do the same.

    Sometimes I’ve read blogs where the author seems almost hamstrung trying to placate the fiercely worded and rude opinions in their comments in the name of “free speech” and wondered why they bothered. Why not delete that crap and move on?

    Haters gonna hate and critics rarely create.

    XO, D

    1. Hey, D…what a GORGEOUS comment! Such beautiful vocabulary and kind thoughts. Thank you!

      You know, I just can’t be anyone other than me, with my forthright opinions and all. Good thing there are some people in the world who dig ’em! I have had to deal with some B.S., mostly in emails to me from a couple people, but luckily those emails are very rare. Interesting, though, that in both instances, the emails targeted another blogger and me, and in one case, the other blogger responded beautifully, which was her choice. Had she not, that hater still would not have gotten a response from me. She’s an unbalanced person and really not worth my time at all. That tends to be my M.O., even with negative comments. I really don’t care if you don’t like me, you know? I’m not going to change their opinion any faster than they are going to change mine. Plus, you know in the southeastern U.S., we tend to abide by “If you can’t say something nice, than shut the hell up!” I just don’t get the point of wasting energy on an ugly exchange. It accomplishes nothing.

      And I so love this: “Haters gonna hate and critics rarely create.” So very true.

      Thanks, as always, for you thoughtful comments and support!

  4. Great new series V! I’d totally just delete comments like that. Seriously, I do not have time for that mess! It also seems that many people get upset about everything these days, i.e., “OMG, you have not liked my Facebook page yet 3 secs. after I asked you to!” Get a life folks, haha. People are busy, give a person a moment or three!
    Regarding the nasty comments: people like that are empty and missing happiness in their life! Judging others, making unwarranted and rude remarks is not going to make you a better person in any form. I’ve seen some dreadful Twitter battles between bloggers online … so glad that I have a better Timeline now though, lol. You know what, sometimes “silence IS golden!” 🙂

  5. Unfortunately these days you can write the most mundane, boring thing on a FB page and people will STILL find a reason to shit all over you.

    On Facebook I’ve been told to pull my head out of my bum, called a troll, a bitch, told to f’ off simply because these people cannot stand someone having a difference of opinion to them. I was told by a blogger that she didn’t think I liked her very much, or that was the headache talking simply because I’d made some points on the subject that was opposite to hers.

    I’ve also been blocked from a popular blogger’s page because I said, and I quote, “I’m not a fan of hers”, in reference to a celebrity she had posted a pic of. She deemed me harsh and said I wasn’t entitled to have such an opinion if I’d never met them. I was so astounded and shocked by the blogger’s comment that I told her as much. I was blocked after that, and since I’d had a few FB issues I blamed it on that, not even realising someone could be so petty and pathetic as to block me for not being a fan of someone’s. I stupidly gave her the benefit of the doubt, and after watching a Dr Phil episode recently where he said to NEVER give anyone the benefit of the doubt, I stopped following her blog. Yes, I was so shocked and astounded by being blocked I still followed her on her blog and commented for over a year. Not any more.

    On my blog I was called a mother f’er for posting an unflattering photo in my blog post, I’ve been told to get cancer and die and called all sorts of things. The delete button comes in handy.

    I’m more than willing to let people have their comments and I don’t mind a swear word or three, however if it’s going to be overly abusive or grossly insulting just because I dared to have an opinion you don’t like, then your comment will go and you will be deleted.

    People just seem to think they can say what they want to you simply because they don’t like your opinion or comment. Yet they just don’t understand the ironic fact that what they are accusing you of is the EXACT same thing they are doing themselves.

    I am so over hypocritical arseholes who want to do nothing but shit all over me and delete or block me for the most petty, inane, boring comments. They are the judgemental ones, not me.

    1. Ouch. I’m so sorry you’ve had your fair share of haters. I know it hurts, but am glad you’re deleting and realizing how STUPID and PETTY some people really are!

      FB has caused me a boatload of issues personally. I actually quit it for a year and only reopened an account for the sake of G&G. But you can see my interaction on it is sparse. And I do not have 100s of friends on my personal account. Only people I truly know. Even so, I don’t post too much there either. FB seems to take rational adults and render them completely immature, for some reason. It’s really just a big ol’ pain in the behind.

      Have you considered disabling comments on your blog? You know, Jane of Sea of Shoes did that a long time ago. Sometimes it’s a better solution if you’re getting too much negativity.

      Sorry, again, for your situation, but I’m happy that you wrote this: “I am so over hypocritical arseholes who want to do nothing but shit all over me and delete or block me for the most petty, inane, boring comments. They are the judgemental ones, not me.” Tells me you are OK!

      1. Yep, I’m definitely okay.

        That blogger that blocked me last year made me realise this year, and after stupid remarks from other bloggers, that I’m over morons. I’m over two face hypocritical liars and I no longer want anything to do with them. They are the problem, not me, and they don’t even get the irony that they are what they accuse everyone else of being.

        Thank God for delete buttons!

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