Will someone please save John Mayer from himself? I’ve nearly written about what a buffoon he is several times in the past, but I stopped myself because I really do want to try to stay positive whenever possible. But really. After the last few things he’s said, I can stay silent no longer. Someone get this man a gag or drop him on a island with his guitar and no way off. Because he is the anti-gentleman, I really cannot take it anymore.
From John Mayer Compares Jessica Simpson to ‘Sexual Napalm’:
…”That girl, for me, is a drug,” Mayer, 32, tells Playboy in an at-times jaw-dropping new interview. “And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.”
Though Simpson and Mayer’s on-again, off-again romance ended in 2007, the memory of those steamy romps still haunts Mayer. “Sexually it was crazy,” he says. “That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.”
…Mayer is more discreet about former paramour Jennifer Aniston. “I love Jen so much that I’m now thinking about how bad I would feel if she read this and was like, ‘Why are you putting me in an article where you’re talking about someone else? I don’t want to be in your lineage of kiss-and-tells’,” he says.
Um, too late for that.
About the same Playboy interview, from Fans outraged by Mayer comments:
…Boasting about the fact “black people love me”, Mayer tells the publication, “Someone asked me the other day, ‘What does it feel like to have a hood pass?’ And, by the way, it’s sort of like a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you would call it a n**ger pass…
“I said, ‘I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
But Playboy readers feel Mayer went too far when he suggested he had a “white supremacist” penis.
He adds, “My d**k is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f**kin’ David Duke c**k. I’m going to start dating separately from my d**k.”
From a Rolling Stone interview, as reported in John Mayer’s Girlfriend Criteria: A Beautiful Va-Jay-Jay:
Do you think it’s going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself? But isn’t it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren’t we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here?” Rocker John Mayer on dating.
More from the Rolling Stone interview, reported in John Mayer On Jennifer Aniston, Tiger Woods & Masturbating:
“I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”
Plus loads of shining examples of why John Mayer should be boycotted by men and women everywhere, from j-mayer.org:
“Guys I’m not trying to steal your girlfriends off you, I’m just playing with them.”
“I have learned that I am a pimp. Now, you may be thinking two things….1. where are you going with this John? and 2. John, are you tired of being alone…….DAMN STRAIGHT!”
“Man, I’m doing such a great job fooling all these broads into thinking that I’m real sensitive and then getting in their pants. Damn it’s easy.”
(Talking about looking through your phone book on your cell) “They suck, they’re sleeping, they’re sleeping, nah, nope, they suck… then you pick the one that sucks the least and call them. They’ll do for now.”
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