Tough love is always wonderful…when you’re the administrator, right? Not so easy to swallow when someone’s cracking the whip on you. Anyway, this is all about VH1’s new show Tough Love, the premise of which is how tough love—and an inside track to the male mind—will eventually help correct eight women’s “flaws” so they can finally meet Mr. Right.
I know, I know, who needs another blasted reality show? No one. But this one is very revealing, and whether you’re in a relationship or not, if you’re a woman I highly suggest watching. Recently, I’ve had many discussions about the male perspective with my husband, and although I knew a bit, I’ve learned a lot. Much of the tough love/male perspective being employed on the show is dead-on. Despite what we think of ourselves, men start with what we look like and if you really want to meet someone and you either can’t or you always end up with a loser, there is something on the surface that is throwing you off. The show tackles this first and goes from there.
On the subject of first impressions, I found a recent discussion about this very interesting. Apparently, when men look at women they do a mental dissection. They look at us in parts, and ultimately, the sum of our parts determines whether they will (at least initially) take the chance on engaging us for either a date/the future or for sex only. The girls with the pretty faces, pretty bodies, and decent (but not overt) clothing are the hottest commodities…I mean duh. That’s the total package if after they get to know you, you aren’t a gold digger, a feminist, or promiscuous.
The mental dissection process that men go through is what gets not-so-great-looking girls into bed with hot guys (which is a pairing that is usually doomed, by the way). When men look at women, they look at the face/hair, breasts, derriere, and legs together and separately. As I mentioned above, high marks in all the above means a woman is almost irresistible. If a man judges your face average or below, but your breasts are fantastic, or your body is amazing, basically, they think you’re at least f***able. (Hey, don’t skewer me…I’m only the messenger). Same goes if you have a beautiful face and not-so-great body. If there is at least one redeeming part, they will always try to get into your panties.
BUT…it’s the worst thing to do, according to men. To let them have their way early on. If they show interest, some advise SIX MONTHS of dating with no hanky panky. I’ve always thought at least the 30-day rule (if you are seeing each other more than twice a week), not the three-date rule. But I think probably the happy medium is about three months. They will respect you for it. Sure, they’re going to try. But if you’re worth the wait (and you are), then they will wait. The most astounding thing about all of it is we as women forget that in reality, we hold all the cards. All men really want and need is to feel like men (be needed), have support, and have sex regularly. We’re the complicated ones. And don’t think I haven’t reminded my gorgeous hubby of this when he gets frustrated with womankind. We ARE complicated because we ARE emotional, because we HAVE DIFFERENT HORMONES. We. Are. Not. Men.
So forgive me if you already knew all this; apparently a lot of women don’t. Regardless, if you have some time on your hands, check out Episode 1 of Tough Love: