While trying to occupy myself today, I made an unfortunate decision to watch the local news here in Oz. See, today was Australia Day, which is essentially like American Independence Day. People here wave their Aussie flags, drink themselves into oblivion, and the cities put on a fireworks display since citizens can’t, as (oh yeah) shooting fireworks is just one more of the many things you can’t do here.Anyway, curious about Australia Day, I watch the afternoon news. I’m watching for all of five minutes when they interview a bunch of people about what Australia Day and life here means to them. I swear to God, the first one yammers on for a bit, and all I hear is something to the effect of “Australia has its own voice; I’d like to stop the Americanization of Australia.”

Stop the Americanization of Australia? Cause, what, America is like some crazed World War II-esque country bent on world domination and ethnic cleansing? Cause America is some s***hole, third-world country breeding AIDS victims at a prolific rate? Cause America doesn’t bother to give funds or troops or lives or food or resources or talent or books or clothing or medicine or technology to countries that can’t seem to manage on their own? Cause our space programs and scientific discoveries and medical achievements and universities and literacy are so lamentable that we couldn’t possibly have anything to bring to the table? Cause American brands like Coca-Cola, Nike, Ford, Calvin Klein, McDonald’s, Starbucks, KFC, and Jim Beam and are so pathetic that they could never stand the test of time?

Oh, no. Americanization would be a horrific thing. Why would anyone want our money? Our help? Our products? Our discoveries?

That is what gets me about America-haters. They forget how prolific we are. They forget what we HAVE done, HAVE invented, HAVE achieved, HAVE saved, HAVE contributed. I guarantee that somewhere in their home lurks an American show, an American album, an American beverage, or an American label—yet they can only focus on politics or some inebriated, schmuck tourist they heard yammering across a tavern in Europe.

Yeah, it would fully suck to have the FDA, ASPCA, EPA, FBI, and all those governing bodies who ensure our food and world and animals and children are safe. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to be able to vote freely, write freely, pray freely, eat freely, drink freely, and go out there and have the ability to live free as a bird in a country where you still have the right to arm yourself, dance with a drink in your hand, and hit the grocery store at 1:09am when you have a sudden fix for a Twinkie.


  1. Yeah, i’ve encountered weird double standards on this. I’ll have meeting where they will openly mock America and Americans, talk about how dumb and uncultured we are etc…then they tell me they just got back from New York Ad Week or are dying to break into Silicon Valley or how their business wouldn’t be possible without the American businesses that use their services. We’re a huge fucking country ( my STATE had more people than Australia) and we have the good and bad and smart and dumb just like everywhere else.

  2. Amen. This is the thing that aggravates me the most about people here. They love to point fingers and ridicule us, but you cannot read a paper or magazine down here that doesn’t quote American scientific research, or report on American business, or American celebrities.

    The problem is not that some Aussies are so anti-American; it’s that they can’t admit how many great things or American products they have and love. They are so busy pointing fingers that they can’t see their own arrogance. They hate our patriotism, and Aussies are super-patriotic. What would they have us do? Go places and say our country is shit (which is a lie anyway)? Why can they proclaim Australia “the greatest country in the world” and we can’t? Should we not love our country and be proud of it?

    Whether they like it or not, almost all the great stuff they have here is AMERICAN. What kills me is Americans like Aussies and we don’t dog them like they dog us. I think Oz is just jealous. I can’t figure out any other reason for them to hate a fellow English-speaking country so much.

  3. Grrrrrrr… I’m Canadian and I’m on your team with this, sista.

    In the last 90 days I’ve heard more bagging on Americans than I can keep track of. It usually begins during a guestimate of my own accent. See, I’ve always regarded Americans as friendly, fun, affable, balls-to-the wall bunch of folks. I lived in LA for about five years and love the place. One day I will get over to NYC. So when people first assume I’m American then apologize for (and throw in some commentary about Yanks) it gets under my skin. I’ve begun to deflect this with a “Why say that? Coz, gee, I like Americans…”

    The worst was in IKEA. This ecktorp couch of a woman was busy sneering and commiserating with the sales person as to how they should “just assume and inquire firstly” that the accents they hear are “Canadian” ones. Seriously I was embarrassed for such myopic and sanctimonious crap. Enough already…yeesh.