Today for lunch, I attempted to make tuna salad sandwiches for C and me. I say attempted because while I was successful at concocting said salad and sandwiches, they tasted nothing like some good ol‘ American tuna salad. And why? Cause what they call mayonnaise here is not mayonnaise at all, but a slimy, translucent, sweet, utterly disgusting concoction.
Yes, I said sweet. After I chopped onions and put two hefty dollops of this non-mayo mayo into my tuna, ground some pepper on it, and had a taste, I almost spat it out. Sweet isn’t even an accurate description. It’s not a little sweet, but full-on, ain’t no mistakin‘ it for salty sweet. I was so shocked I turned the jar around and looked at the ingredients and the first word is SUGAR! In mayo!? WTF? Where’s the vinegar? All I could do at that point was chase it with whole grain mustard and more pepper. It was a catastrophe. Lord have mercy.
People, you don’t know how lucky you are. You should run out to the local grocery and scoop up some Hellman’s and eat that s*** with a spoon, it’s so damn good. I am no mayo freak, that’s the truth. But I had no idea that mayo isn’t really mayo here. But when there are entire forums about mayo and posts about mayo by expats, you know something has gone horribly awry. Now I know why they call Hellman’s #ff0000;">REALmayonnaise.
Anyway, I should’ve known the local mayo would taste like crap when recently, an Aussie friend’s mother served me this amazing Swedish mayo with smoked salmon (dude, it was delish) instead of Aussie mayo, then told my husband exactly where it could be procured. I’ve been fantasizing about getting a bottle of that mayo ever since my ill-fated tuna salad attempt. I’m telling you, by next weekend, I will have at least two bottles of the Swedish mayo because even though my ass hardly needs it, I’ve been craving my Dad’s potato salad, and it cannot be done with sweet, thin, lacking Australian mayonnaise. If I can’t buy thick, tart European- or American-style mayo, I will make it myself, I kid you not.
