Hose + Sandals: How to Look Like a Geriatric Mistake

I don’t care who says its chic to wear tights with sandals…it looks ridiculous. Granted, pantyhose with sandals is the ultimate way to declare yourself fashion-challenged, but lately, the mags have been trying to push tights with sandals, and it is grotesque:

As the international style elite shuttled last week from one New York
catwalk to the next, we dispatched photographer Kate Schelter to observe them.
Snapped front-row and backstage at Bryant Park and elsewhere, they demonstrated
how current trends are migrating from studio to street faster than you can say
“beyond genius.”

Dresses, coats, and skirts reflected designers’ experiments with volume,
while underneath, the omnipresent opaque black tights and leggings segued into
boots and even sandals. As on the runways, layering was key—notably spring
frocks over turtlenecks and tees. And did we mention opaque black tights and
leggings under everything? http://www.style.com/peopleparties/street/021506

Beyond genius my ass. So what they’re saying is they pooh-poohed Auntie Ethel for rockin‘ the knee-high, suntan hose with her Aerosole sandals, but it is “beyond genius” to go up 30 denier and expose your “sandalfoot” seams? Uh, I beg to differ. It has a distinctly geriatric, senile look to it. Even in coal black.

Look for yourself…and please pardon the Payless shoes; this is all Google had to offer…what’s better, the shrouded foot, or the naked one? Does the foot on the left not look about 160-years-old compared to the young, sexy foot on the right?

Hosiery was designed to conceal, so let’s just stick to that concept, shall we? If you’re trying to hide your legs for whatever reason, don’t contradict yourself by putting on sandals. Either you’re open in every sense, or you’re not. No more schizophrenic dressing. Capiche?

Frankly, I say invest in self-tanner and skip the hose altogether. I wear hosiery only for two occasions: to complement some little number that’s intended to be worn only behind closed doors, or for funerals. Tights I wear occasionally, but in general, I prefer to avoid anything that makes me feel like I am dying a slow death via abdominal strangulation.

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