I recently read this ridiculous little piece, A pair of cute flats could be your key to a night of romance, and just couldn’t help stepping onto my soap box about it (which, incidentally, isn’t much of a hike when you’re already wearing heels).
OK, seriously…flats…for a night of romance? Uh, only if I’m planning on romancing my three-year-old nephew into a playdate at McDonald’s.
According to Glamour Magazine writer “Jake,” flats are more likely to score you a romantic, fun-filled night with a guy. “…if you’re willing to be a little shorter,” he writes, “we foresee dancing, karaoke, an impromptu pub crawl kinda like one of those `falling in love’ montages in chick flicks.”
Wow. Just what I was always hoping for on a date: karaoke and a pub crawl. Sounds terrifically romantic. Maybe that’s Jake’s real problem. But I digress.
Allow me to give a slightly different perspective: flats are for schlepping to yoga. For running errands. For doing anything but getting dolled up for an evening out. Our world is so frustratingly casual—borderline androgynous—that a woman hardly has a chance to really feel like a woman. Most of us are either in a professional pant suit, a hoodie and flip-flops, or jeans and a tee. About the only time we really get to work our female mojo is when we’re going out on the town with a man. Or in search of one. And that requires confidence, poise—and heels, for crying out loud! A woman wants to feel like she’s on her game. She wants to feel sexy. When is the last time you saw a pinup girl in flats? A stripper, in flats? Never, I tell you. Because flats are for boys and bluehairs. Heels are for romance and seduction. That’s just the way it is.
I suppose Jake doesn’t realize this, but wearing heels is the thing most of us have always aspired to as little girls, often while teetering around in our mothers’ too-big stilettos (because back then, they actually wore them too). So forgive us if we’re not willing to “be a little shorter” because we’re trying to live out our own fantasies and not yours. But Jake’s statement also makes me wonder: how insecure and narrow-minded are you if you can’t foresee fun and a romantic night with a woman just because she’s a little taller, and perhaps a little more confident?
This is my philosophy: a woman in “towering heels and pointy toes” will always separate the boys from the men. Can’t deal with heels? Maybe you don’t really have the kind of confidence most women are looking for in a man. And if Jake’s penchance for flats is strictly utilitarian, he needs to consider that women who wear heels and love them are quite adept at managing pub crawls, uneven terrain, and even the occasional sprint in three-and-a-half-inchers. Give us some credit, Jake. We’ve been walking in these things since we were four years old.
So, what’s a femme fatale to do to ensure a night of romance sans flats? Not a damn thing. Keep wearing your heels, ladies. Eventually the right man will take notice and he’ll be praying that every time he shows up for a date, you’re wearing those sexy heels—or if he’s really lucky, nothing but. The flat-out truth is that heels, sublime torture that they are, not only separate the boys from the men, but the girls from the women.
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Amen.