Lately, I’ve had a couple people tell me I’ve changed. Well, I have in some aspects, so that is not news. But one person, a coworker, has revealed what seems to be great surprise about the woman that I actually am. So I’m wondering: was I a rigid, ball-breaking bitch—or did I just seem that way to people who don’t really know me? Because I’ve heard this before, have had people confess that their initial perception of me was that I was cold-hearted and conceited, and that they didn’t find me to be that way at all after spending more time with me.
So I’m also wondering, how much of this misperception is their fault, how much of it mine? I certainly am not the cheerleader type. I tend to keep to myself until someone engages me. And I don’t quite understand smiling for no reason—actually, I prefer to come off as a bit of a hardass in order to keep myself from becoming a victim. (I’m serious—predators look for easy prey, someone easily duped or overpowered, so in my opinion, a girl can never be too careful.) Mind you, I don’t intend to change a thing. I really don’t give a crap if someone is too scared or too judgmental to dig a little deeper. I’m just asking the question. I find it interesting that I’ve been working with this person for years now, and they’re expressing shock at how “deep” I am, when truth be told, they never bothered to really get to know me in the first place.
So ask yourself (and I’ll do the same) next time you size someone up based on appearance, are you interpreting them based on your baggage? Cutting them off before you know them? What will you miss if you do? I am not suggesting a group hug and a couple rounds of Kumbaya—obviously, we all have people who rub us the wrong way from beginning to end. But you never really know about the depth of someone until you ask deeper questions.