Play it again, Graham…

To Graham…thanks very much for your perspective on the article I referenced in my blog, For the Ladies (Elle Mag. June 2007 issue, page 204: “Yes, you do look fat in that!” by Walter Kirn).

I was so intrigued by your comment I felt the need to highlight it for my lady friends. Hope you don’t mind. Don’t know how you found my blog or if you’ll be back, but I’m glad you stopped by long enough to shed some light on the male perspective of the female body dynamic. As Gwen Stefani sings in her song, “Yummy,” I think the lot of us women are “diet drama” and more. We have the propensity to negate your feelings and ourselves in the blink of an eye, and not even realize we’ve done it.

So, here’s what Graham had to say:

“Not just for the ladies, but for men who can identify with the author’s perspective. I wish the full article were online, because — yes — it should be read, shared.

I don’t agree with the author’s claims to sensitivity on the issue at times (which sometimes ring a bit disingenuous), and his bitterness on the topic seems a bit too harsh at times. But still, I can identify with the latter; if only out of a *long* history of sharing in the same frustrations. Of having been beaten over the head with & having had relationships destroyed by the other person’s inabiltiy to accept themselves…all because the other person was unable to accept your love, desire, etc for them. Due to how they feel about themselves, and how projected those feeling onto their partners.

And I suspect that someone on staff gave the article that crass title, which is a bit misrepresentative. A better one would have drawn from the tone of the article itself: “The ‘it’ that can’t be gotten.” The game you can’t win, as the author says. Easy for most guys to play the whole game off all cyncially and dismissively…but it truly, deeply hurts to have one’s feelings negated with the “how could you possible want me?…you *must* be lying to me” affront.

Granted: There’s any shortage of negative influences (culturally speaking) to enforce those feelings of self-loathing, self-revulsion, etc. It’s a such a mess. And so unrelentingly pervasive.”

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