For the Ladies

Elle Mag. June 2007 issue, page 204: “Yes, you do look fat in that!” by Walter Kirn.

Ladies, get yourselves to Target, the bookstore, wherever and read this article even if you don’t buy the magazine. Because we ALL need this insight. Here’s an excerpt:

“When you point our your imperfections to men, you’re actually forcing us to see something we were perfectly happy to overlook, and probably wouldn’t have noticed in the first place. Now why would you go and do something like that?”

I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t audibly lament the size her her derriere, stretch marks, huge thighs…[fill in the blank]. I’m definitely a repeat offender. And although I have had a man in my life point out exactly what Mr. Kirn points out in his article, for some reason, I haven’t taken it to heart. Til now.

Think about it. If you were on a job interview, would you point out all your shortcomings, failings, and ineptitude, or would you sell them on your talents, achievements, and enviable skills? There is really no difference between a job interview and the getting-to-know-you phase of any relationship. Now, I certainly don’t advocate that you actually vocalize how hot your bod looks in skinny jeans, but if you can’t say something nice about yourself, just shut the hell up! Drawing attention to hangups you have about your own body is the equivalent of taking a bullhorn to the pool and announcing, Everyone! Will you take a look at the cellulite on my a**!

Just. Don’t. Do. It.

I leave you with this quote, also from the article…

“…I knew the Creator was a straight man. He’d made his Eves all different yet all the same, and when one of them disrobed in my presence, what always struck me wasn’t her individual allure, but the genius behind the general design.”

1 comment

  1. Not just for the ladies, but for men who can identify with the author’s perspective. I wish the full article were online, because — yes — it should be read, shared.

    I don’t agree with the author’s claims to sensitivity on the issue at times (which sometimes ring a bit disingenuous), and his bitterness on the topic seems a bit too harsh at times. But still, I can identify with the latter; if only out of a *long* history of sharing in the same frustrations. Of having been beaten over the head with & having had relationships destroyed by the other person’s inabiltiy to accept themselves…all because the other person was unable to accept your love, desire, etc for them. Due to how they feel about themselves, and how projected those feeling onto their partners.

    And I suspect that someone on staff gave the article that crass title, which is a bit misrepresentative. A better one would have drawn from the tone of the article itself: “The ‘it’ that can’t be gotten.” The game you can’t win, as the author says. Easy for most guys to play the whole game off all cyncially and dismissively…but it truly, deeply hurts to have one’s feelings negated with the “how could you possible want me?…you *must* be lying to me” affront.

    Granted: There’s any shortage of negative influences (culturally speaking) to enforce those feelings of self-loathing, self-revulsion, etc. It’s a such a mess. And so unrelentingly pervasive.

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